Now that I have my first blog post under my belt, and the crowdfunding site up. I went ahead and set up a Twitter account, and a Facebook page. I've also designed a logo for t-shirts, hoodies, and tote bags to be sold in my online store. So far I have raised zero dollars. That doesn't surprise me, because just like working out, I don't expect everything to happen on the first day. It takes time, and a ton of effort.
I posted a bunch of videos on Youtube that were just gawd awful. One survives, and can be seen here.
I've been waiting a while to get back up on stage, due to the fact that I was really jowly on camera the last time. I have been working out sporadically, and have gone from 225 to 210, so far. I took a "before" picture, but it'll be a while before I post it with an "after" picture. Even so, I took the before picture at 210lbs. There is no way in hell I would take a topless selfie at 225. Gross. I want to be thought of as funny, but for my wit, not my appearance.
When I left to go to the comedy club, this is what happened . Boise is a fucking maze of one way streets, and since I don't drive downtown much, I got lost, kind of. Then I couldn't find a parking space, so I had to park in a hotel's parking structure. I ran to the club as fast as I could, but when I got there the guy doing the sign ups informed me that I was too late. "FUCK,FUCK,FUCK!!!" I thought to myself. Then I thought "Oh well. I'll wait for my friends to show up, catch up a bit, then run home in time to catch The Savage & Starbuck show". They showed up, we all had a beer, I meet their wives, and we had a nice chat. One of the other stand ups recognized me from the last time I was there, and says "Hey I remember you, you were funny. Are you going on tonight?" I told him I was too late to sign in. He then says " Go tell him that you have 6 people with you, he'll let you on". So I did, and he does. I went on last. It was like I was the headliner, sort of. I am so thankful that my friends waited, and sat through all those other comics just to see me perform. My set could have gone better, I guess I should have rehearsed more, and actually memorized my jokes. Oh well, that's what this period in my career is for, to make mistakes, and learn from them. So I guess I'm right on schedule. Watch it here
Girlfriend is getting ready for her trip. She's tweeting from the salon. She looks beautiful. Great, just great.
Oh well, I can't think about that right now. I'll just make myself crazy. Besides, the main focus of this blog was to document just how many open mic nights does it take before ( if I have what it takes) I get a paying gig before my interview with The Savage & Starbuck Show, which has now been scheduled for August 13th. Co-hosted by my beloved stand up teacher, and mentor Joie Savage, author of the book The Vanilla People. Mark your calender. The quest to meet the beautiful woman I've grown so very close to in person was going to be subtext, and I've already lost her before I really started. Then again I don't know that for certain. She hasn't even left on her trip yet. Sure, she got her hair done today, and looks really smoking hot. So what if she got new panties, and the other guy expressed excitement about it. That doesn't mean anything. New panties are exciting, I get that. Should I be worried? No, I shouldn't. We don't have a commitment to each other. We haven't actually met face to face yet, so there really isn't a justifiable reason to worry or be jealous.. Yet, here I sit writing this, all the while feeling like I have to throw up. I want to message her so bad, and tell her what a mistake it was for me to let her go, but I won't. I won't because she seems really happy right now. I don't want to spoil anything for her. I'll be cool, and hold my tongue. Nothing has happened yet, and I might just be worried over nothing. Besides, until I get some things going I really don't have any business pursuing any woman. I need to concentrate on my career, get my funds in order to get my reality show idea pitch shot, and blog it all here as it happens. If she gets back from her trip, and all is well, and she doesn't have a new love in her life, I will dedicate myself to getting to her as a professional stand-up comedian with his own reality show. If we meet, and everything is all peachy keen,and we mesh well in bed (I was promised sex, dammit!!!!) I'm going to propose that we make a serious commitment to each other. It's taken me my whole life to find her. I don't even want to think about the alternative. I'll jump off of that bridge when I come to it.
The reality show I speak of will actually be "real". Meaning it will be me doing open mic nights all over the country with a camera crew following me around as I interview other comics, rookies, and veterans alike, asking them why they got into stand up, what are their influences, what was their worst experience, things to that effect. All the while I'll be pursuing my own stand-up career, and searching for that first paying gig. I won't be bidding on fake storage units, or going through peoples garages, and barns looking for junk. I'm trying my best not to disparage these shows because I'm in contact with a gentleman who's production company will shoot the sizzle reel needed to shop to all the networks. His company represents most of the reality shows we see on T.V. now. There won't be anything that's "set up". If I kill, or bomb on stage, it'll be real. My triumph, or my shame will be genuine for all to see.
Sweet! I wrote the previous paragraphs yesterday, I am, at this very moment, messaging with Girlfriend as I write this, and she has just given me some encouraging news. It gives me a slim glimmer of hope. It looks like her, and the other guy will be too busy to "connect" while they are on their individual trips to the same city. Yes! She revealed this bit of news to me after I did something I had resisted doing. Ya see, I don't want to seem like a jealous douche, which is exceedingly difficult, due to the fact that I am a jealous douche. What I did was, in a joking way, tell her that I was worried about guys hitting on her while she's on her trip. Sure, I was joking, but I am worried about guys hitting on her. She's very hot, and every guy that sees her is going to undress her with his pervy eyes. Then try to chat her up to see if they can make that happen. I just know it.
Girlfriend is on the plane, and I'm about to puke. On the positive side, this should help with my weight loss plan.
Ahhh! As I write this, I'm also keeping an eye on Girlfriends tweets. Yes, I know it's creepy, but with each of her tweets I feel a huge wave of relief wash over me. If she's posting updates, that means she's in her hotel room dicking around with her phone. Also, as an added bonus, the window of time that her and the other guy can meet is slowly closing. Fine! I'll admit it. I'm a jealous douche. Guilty. Ya got me.
Yeah, worrying about something I can do absolutely nothing about is a great use of my time. Isn't it? What I can do is list what I've accomplished so far. Hmm, accomplished seems kind of strong. Let's just list what I have done, and what I have done is recorded two performances, started this blog, set up the crowdfunding site, set up an online store, monetized my Youtube account, started a blog talk radio account (needs setting up), and set up a Facebook page (please give it a "like"), and set up a Twitter account (please follow me). Okay, after writing it all out it might seem like I've accomplished something, but I know that I'm only scratching the surface of what still needs to be done. Keep in mind I have no idea what I'm doing, this is all uncharted territory, and I'm going in blind without a paddle.
As for the crowdfunding site, I've brought down the amount I'm trying to raise to $10000 for expedience sake. 20 grand was a bit much to ask for, but I thought "What the hell, why not?". I see now that if I'm going to do this, I'd better do it on the cheap. Stand ups starting out don't have the resources that I'll have access to. That might cause a bit of resentment
Monitoring Girlfriends tweets isn't making me feel creepy at all. I'm going to try not to worry for the rest of her trip. Well, I'd like to not worry while she's still on her trip. Wow, does this ever suck. Oh well, she'll be home in a couple of days. I'll just wait for her to contact me. I desperately need to talk to her before I can write anything else. Wish me luck.
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